Ralph Higgins

Ralph Higgins
color pencil sketch by Gayle Higgins

Quotes I Like

"If you do not take an interest in the affairs of your government, then you are doomed to live under the rule of fools."

– Plato

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Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Grubs, Bugs, and Chianti


Since I write for the Green Business Chamber, which goes to chambers of commerce and businesses across the country, I find myself walking the fence between a conscientious and reasonable concern for the environment and the radical environmentalists with their global warming hysteria. I have to be careful not to offend the latter while holding to reasonable conservation practices. Sometimes it’s a delicate balance. I love nature and I have no tolerance for polluters, but I’m not ready to eliminate back yard barbeques yet.

I don’t believe that man has the ability to cause global climate change, nor do I believe that the blue people who hold their breath to cut down on carbon dioxide are saving the planet. I think the sun has a say in the whole thing and the carbon footprint of a volcanic eruption can quickly destroy all the environmental benefits of carpooling, riding bikes to work and turning off lights. I think some of these folks go overboard.

I’ve mentioned the celebrity who claimed she only uses one square of toilet paper. After that admission, sadly her social life went to pot. Then there was the scientist who hooked a large plastic container to his cow to measure bovine flatulence, i.e. “gas”. Unfortunately a cowhand lit a cigarette and blew up the cow, the scientist, ten chickens and a pig. And we have the morons who decided to burn corn for fuel, resulting in tremendous negative impacts on the environment, as well as causing Mexicans to turn from eating corn tortillas and beans to French bread and Brie.

Here’s the latest: The UN is considering strategies to cut levels of meat consumption worldwide as part of its commitment to stamp out famine and cut down on greenhouse gasses. The UN claims that cows and pigs and other livestock require too much space and fodder to be an energy-efficient food source as the population increases. So the UN Food & Agriculture Organization is urging us to eat bugs. I’ve eaten a few bugs in my life, mostly when riding a motorcycle and I had a cousin who once ate a spider during a psychotic episode where he morphed into a chameleon.

John the Baptist lived on locusts and honey and the 1st-century Roman author, Pliny, wrote that beetle larvae, raised on a mixture of flour and wine, was considered a great treat among the toga set. The UN recommendation of grubs, bugs, scorpions and giant ants will no doubt help us lose weight, if nothing else. It’s evidently high in protein.

An authentic package of giant toasted ants states that these special treats have a “nutty, bacon-like taste, with an earthy, spicy kick.” For that taste combination how about cashews, Canadian bacon, top soil and Tabasco sauce instead?

It’s estimated that 80% of the world’s population devour the creeping and crawling creatures found under rocks. Since our country is moving into third world status at an alarming rate, by the time Obama is through with us grub dealers and ant farmers may corner the food market. In the meantime I’ll stick to peanut butter, steak and ravioli.

2 comments:

  1. And I'll have a double gin on the rocks with that Cricket dinner your offering Ralph. Make that a triple and can I have three before the main course?

    Malcolm

    ReplyDelete
  2. Malcolm -
    You got it! In fact, I'll double your order and drink it with you, because I'm afraid of what the main course will be if the UN is serving it.

    ReplyDelete